( why. that's a hard question to answer, because it's not like it was one thing. it was so many things, all taken together — steve's cold detachment, after she came clean about compelling barnes, and his death before she could make it right, vriska's transfer, that they were on earth, with humans still inhabiting it, everything that had happened to her in the past three years anyway. tony's rejection was just the last in a series of soul-destroying events that elena eventually just couldn't take.

but tony deserves to know the truth, even if giving it feels like revealing something a little too real. she takes a deep breath, turning over her hands and tangling her fingers in the sheets. )

It was a lot of things. I don't know if you've read my file, but I... I lost a lot before I came here. And then I just kept losing more, and I had to kill, and then you... ( here she pauses, grimacing. ) I don't blame you, that's not what I mean, I just...

( it takes a couple seconds before she can finish, but when she does, she just sounds angry with herself. )

You were afraid of me. So I decided that being the worst version of myself was better than feeling anything at all, because I'm a selfish bitch. I'm no better than Katherine.

( which might not make sense to tony, as he's never met her, but it's just about the worst thing elena can say about herself. )