( it's... not what elena was expecting. for tony to reassure her, maybe, that now that she's herself again he's not afraid. or to confirm that yes, he was afraid, but he can get past it. or, realistically, to say he was afraid, but now he's just disgusted. the things she's said, the things she's done... tony was there for all of it, and even started working on ways to protect her when jack started threatening her — something that was her fault in the first place. he saw all of it, and he must hate her now, even if he'd been willing to give her the benefit of the doubt before.
but he's not saying that. he sounds... genuinely confused, like he can't think of what she could even be talking about. elena had seen his face, though, can still remember it like it was yesterday — she'd gotten carried away by the bloodlust, all her awareness narrowed down to the human struggling and screaming in her grasp. the man had stabbed her, clawed at her arms, screamed until he couldn't breathe, and she never let go. she just drank and drank and drank until he stopped fighting, and when she'd finally come back to herself and dropped the corpse, tony was staring at her with a look on his face... elena couldn't read it, hadn't wanted to. so she ran, as fast as she could, and tore out the knife still embedded in her side and cried so hard she felt like vomiting, and after that... after that she'd known what she had to do.
she bites her lip, spreading her fingers over the sheets to smooth them out, still studiously avoiding tony's eyes. )
The fight, before I turned it off. There was a man, he tried to kill you, he got close enough that I got scared, and... ( she has to take a breath now, letting it out in one long sigh. ) I couldn't control myself. I bit him, I'd meant to just drop him, but then he stabbed me, and all I could think of was how close he'd come to hurting you, and I'd never really... fed on anyone like that. When they were struggling and scared and there was adrenaline, and I'd always been so tightly controlled about feeding and I was so scared, and giving in to the bloodlust felt... good. I gave in for a second, and when I looked up you had this look on your face... I'd never seen it before. Not from you.
( unconsciously, elena curls in on herself again, making herself small, and wraps her arms around her stomach. )
You were afraid of me. I'd done the thing I always said I wouldn't, and I scared you in the process, and after everything else... I just didn't know how else to deal. So I took the easy way out and I made everything a million times worse.
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but he's not saying that. he sounds... genuinely confused, like he can't think of what she could even be talking about. elena had seen his face, though, can still remember it like it was yesterday — she'd gotten carried away by the bloodlust, all her awareness narrowed down to the human struggling and screaming in her grasp. the man had stabbed her, clawed at her arms, screamed until he couldn't breathe, and she never let go. she just drank and drank and drank until he stopped fighting, and when she'd finally come back to herself and dropped the corpse, tony was staring at her with a look on his face... elena couldn't read it, hadn't wanted to. so she ran, as fast as she could, and tore out the knife still embedded in her side and cried so hard she felt like vomiting, and after that... after that she'd known what she had to do.
she bites her lip, spreading her fingers over the sheets to smooth them out, still studiously avoiding tony's eyes. )
The fight, before I turned it off. There was a man, he tried to kill you, he got close enough that I got scared, and... ( she has to take a breath now, letting it out in one long sigh. ) I couldn't control myself. I bit him, I'd meant to just drop him, but then he stabbed me, and all I could think of was how close he'd come to hurting you, and I'd never really... fed on anyone like that. When they were struggling and scared and there was adrenaline, and I'd always been so tightly controlled about feeding and I was so scared, and giving in to the bloodlust felt... good. I gave in for a second, and when I looked up you had this look on your face... I'd never seen it before. Not from you.
( unconsciously, elena curls in on herself again, making herself small, and wraps her arms around her stomach. )
You were afraid of me. I'd done the thing I always said I wouldn't, and I scared you in the process, and after everything else... I just didn't know how else to deal. So I took the easy way out and I made everything a million times worse.